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Jul 05
leanna.dewey's picture

No More Ed

Ed. He was always with me. Ed was like my boyfriend. He lived in my head rent free but he constantly controlled me. He almost took over my life. He distorted my self image. Ed judged me, told me what to do all the time. He made me feel drained, sad, and upset with myself. Except Ed isn’t a boy. He’s not even a person. Ed is shorter for two words. Eating disorder. Ed was why I almost ruined my life. 

Jan 28
leanna.dewey's picture

Heart Of Gold

You know I have a lot of things I hate about myself, but I think the one thing I love the most is how I always seem to be there for someone. Always there even if I'm hiring and can barely stand on my own two feet. Even know matter how poorly I've been treated by people, I always seem to give them many chances. I don't care how many times they hurt me, I'll always be there for them. I'll always try and see the best in people. I think it's because it's like I have a heart of gold. I kinda love that. At the same time, I think icky can also be a downfall. People want gold I guess, and so they'll take anything that's made of gold. So much they end up taking advantage of how much gold they can take. I think the more they take, the more the gold slowly starts to drain and fade away, until there's nothing left.
 
Jan 28
poetry challenge: Hot Air Balloon
leanna.dewey's picture

Poison


People say that poison is something you drink, it's a liquid that consumes your insides and can damage you from the inside out. But what if my poison is a person? What if my poison is someone who continues to destroy me? What if it's not a liquid but rather the actions of somebody? What if it destroys me from the inside out but I still miss it? What if it's slowly chipping away my happiness, little by little? What if I continue to go back to my poison? Will, I eventually die, from this aching pain this poison continues to cause me?
Dec 13
opinion challenge: Love List
leanna.dewey's picture

What I Love…

Sunsets
My Dog Emma Jean
Christmas
Hallmark/Christmas movies
My mom
Lanie
Books
writing
Mima and papa
someone saying they are proud of me
Music
Working all the time
School
Going out
 Christmas lights
traveling 
Aunt Angie 
Flowers
Blankets
When everyone is happy
when everything just goes right
Tiktoks with my bestie 
taking pictures of everything 
My family


 
Dec 13
leanna.dewey's picture

The girl in the mirror

When I opened my eyes, I woke up and realized that my body was no longer mine but someone else’s. I didn’t recognize the girl I saw in the mirror anymore. She looked the same, but at the same time, she was different. She was picking apart every inch of her body she didn’t like. How she looked with no makeup on. How she saw her acne when she washed her face. How she saw her stomach when standing in the mirror in a bra and underwear. She was picking apart every inch of her body because she thought it was flawed.

Slowly, looking in the mirror became an everyday thing – to see if she was magically not flawed anymore. Then every day went to every hour and every minute. She was slowly losing herself in what she thought were her flaws. In reality, they were her. Her acne on her face, how she looked with no makeup, how she had curves and wide hips … It was all her – these little things about her body that made her unique.

Oct 06
leanna.dewey's picture

Dear Dad

Dear "Dad",
I'm not bitter anymore, I'm just sorry. I am sorry that you didn't want to be a part of my successes and would rather be my biggest failure. I am sorry that you chose a life without me in it. I'm sorry that I have accomplished so much in the past year and you haven't heard anything about it. I'm sorry that you have no right to be proud of me. I'm sorry that you will never be part of my life again. I am sorry I let you hurt me so badly. I am sorry that I put so much trust and effort into building a relationship that you just didn't want. I am sorry I had faith in you. Most of all, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. 
I look back on all the times we never shared together and I don't get sad anymore. Rather, I get a since of pride in myself. I know how strong I have become because of your lack of existence. I know that there are people in my life who took your spot and excelled in raising me. 
 

Oct 06
leanna.dewey's picture

Anxiety For Me

Anxiety For Me...

Anxiety for me is feeling like I can't get air. It is like something dark is sitting on me, putting the pressure on my chest and keeping me from breathing properly. It's something dark that's apart of me, but not me. I can't think and I can't stop thinking. Anxiety for me is walking around the grocery store and it feels like every part of the environment is attacking you. Every light hurts my eyes, every sounds scares me, and everyone feels unsafe and dangerous. Anxiety for me is being on high alert from the moment I step out the front door and first being able to relax hours after I get home again and my brain is yet again convinced it is safe.
 
Oct 06
opinion challenge: The Future
leanna.dewey's picture

Future Me

Dear Future Me,
Dont worry, all things will happen if they are meant to. Stop comparing the past to the present. You left it behind for a reason, so go forward confidently in to the future you are developing right now. 
Keep smiling ... those small worries and concerns will only be forgotten in a year's time. Be grateful for each small blessing in a day. Even when it seems like things are falling apart, it takes the destruction of all the old to build the new. 
Tell the people in your life you love them. It doesn't matter how many people you have in your life - love the ones you have. Be grateful they where placed in your atmosphere and seek out the knowledge and truths you were meant to learn from them... even if it is to only learn not to be like them.